Let's attract tourists with a giant pheasant

It is the natural impulse for those of us outside the Morris leadership circle to laugh at the idea of "attracting tourism." And yet we hear of such a push. Delusions of grandeur, it seems.

Of course, instead of thinking about what Morris is not, let's focus on what we have and embrace it.

We don't have the kind of lakes that are a magnet for tourism. We once had Perkins Resort which conjured up such images. Kids enjoyed roller-skating there. Many long-time married couples met there. But the market couldn't support it anymore.

So what do we have now? We have a community that can't hold a candle to Alexandria when it comes to the conventional notion of "tourism."

Alex - or is it "Alec?" - is on the Interstate, we aren't. So would I rather live in Alexandria? Not really. We all know that our attributes are different.

Life here is more quiet and predictable, the gas line break notwithstanding (or the anhydrous ammonia evacuation).

How really should we define "tourism?"

Oh, we already have it. The sports and humanities events at the University of Minnesota-Morris attract people from far-flung communities all the time.
Hockey tournaments at Lee Community Center do the same. You can appreciate this when arriving at the McDonald's parking lot during a weekend and finding one of those buses. Such is the crush of "out of town" people, one might decide to return later to enjoy a Big Mac. It's a nice problem to have.

UMM will play its final home football game this Saturday, 11/5. Many communities our size would love to have that kind of draw.

So tourism is already an attribute of Morris. Are we accommodating these people well enough? It would seem so. So I'm not sure just what kind of "tourism" is sought beyond that.

I appreciate the candor of Paul Hendricks, interim director of our Chamber of Commerce, who wonders if we even have enough lodging space to accommodate an "influx" or tourists.

An "influx. . ." It almost sounds a little foreboding. It sounds like we would need some sort of bizarre unnatural attraction.

Maybe if an ethereal image of the Virgin Mary would become evident in some humble spot, people would pile into buses and come here. I'm just scratching my head and trying to think of what sort of draw these "tourism" promoters are envisioning.

Do we want to think kitschy? Do we want to think in terms of having the "world's largest" so-and-so? Wheaton has the world's largest mallard.

C'mon, we let Wheaton outdo us with their county fair for several years, so why are we standing idly by and letting them have the "world's largest" of something?

I actually made a suggestion along these lines once. I mentioned it in a conversation with a legislative candidate during a campaign. I later discovered he had passed it on, wanting to score points with the local citizenry. Such an idea is fun but it takes money.

My suggestion was to have - fanfare please - the "world's largest pheasant."

Where? I'd say out between Heartland Motors and the National Guard Armory, or by the intersection at McDonald's. We could at least make the same kind of effort as Starbuck with their "star" and their "buck."

Could we maybe apply some of that hospitality tax money to my idea? Right now that money just seems to be getting burned up by the usual talk. It's the same kind of talk that "created" our green community on the old school site.

I have likened that dream to the "Harvey" character in the movie of the same name. Jimmy Stewart as "Mr. Dowd" would appreciate it, but in reality the old school site is nothing but a blight and getting worse.

"Attracting tourism" will have the same outcome if by "tourism" you mean attracting gawking types. There's nothing to gawk at here, at least not until we get that giant pheasant sculpted.

We used to have our famous "alfalfa arch" re-enacted for Prairie Pioneer Days (albeit a smaller version). But that has gone by the wayside just like Perkins Resort.

These things will happen if there is a demand and a natural enthusiasm. The market usually handles things.

This community can handle the influx of people for the Wulfs' annual "Opportunity Sale," right? That's as big a draw as anything. It didn't come about because of some think tank nonsense. It came about because of real people with real ideas.

I remember the late iconic Leonard Wulf talking with such inspiration about how God had given us these animals so we might lead abundant lives.

Prairie Inn began as Sunwood Inn when I was in high school. I remember arriving for the grand opening open house on snowmobile (Polaris) and having one of my classmates, seeing me with helmet under my arm, referring to me as a "wild man." I remember that because it's not often I inspire such descriptions.

There is a Morris legend that the Wulf sale led to Super 8 establishing a facility here. The legend is somewhat unpleasant. It has to do with a hospitality employee saying something that suggested that "farmers" might not require the highest or classiest standard of hospitality.

Someone got a burr under his saddle as a result, I'm told, and began pulling strings to get Super 8 here.

So our hospitality facilities on the whole look solid, although as Hendricks pointed out, capacity could probably be pushed upward. I mean, are we really ready for a Virgin Mary image to appear somewhere here, like perhaps on the side of the tunnel under the overpass? (Or is it over the underpass?)

Are we ready for the gawkers for the world's largest pheasant? Or largest bullhead?

OK, let's get real.

I can remember a time when Morris seemed to want to be quiet and obscure. This was when we had that restrictive "light ordinance," remember?

Morris legend has it that when Hardee's first planned coming here, they had a nice large sign ready to go to trumpet its presence. Hardee's was a big deal coming here. But it turned out their sign was a no-go.

I guess very large or well-lit signs were deemed, well, tacky, like what you'd find in a. . .tourist community.

To be fair, I would say the sign ordinance was during the Jimmy Carter "malaise" years when a lot of things were out of whack. Government had gotten too intrusive with its cockeyed intentions. There was a lot of avant garde thinking then, thinking that was quite separated from the marketplace.

I also remember a too-restrictive ordinance on small businesses expanding. Lesmeister Motors had to jump through some hoops on that, I recall.

Finally there was a rebellion of sorts with businesspeople getting onto the boards that dispensed this thinking. It was like conservatives being allowed into National Public Radio. It was like the cowboys taking over the movie set on "Blazing Saddles."

I remember Dale Thompson of the Tip Top Tap getting onto a board and saying "I think we should light up the whole town."

Maybe even our world's largest pheasant could be illuminated. Or have fountains around it.

Think about it.
- Brian Williams - morris mn Minnesota - bwilly73@yahoo.com