The bear in Morris brings speculation

How did a bear end up in a tree in Morris last week?
Yeah, I know, he got kicked out of the bar.
Actually I don't know if it was a he or a she, but this animal caused quite the flurry of commotion. Never mind that we're in the country and wildlife ought to be seen as the norm. We associate bears with the north woods and I gather they are relatively rare there. So how did Mr. Bear end up on our usually uneventful prairie?
Was it a wild animal at all or had it been raised in captivity? Did it get out of someone's possession by accident? If the answer is no, then is this animal a sign of things to come here? I can remember as a kid when Canada geese were rare and you'd look skyward with amazement if some came overhead. The cries of those geese seemed to resonate right from the bosom of nature.
As years went by the population of geese grew to where it was hardly a novelty to see them. The late local author Doug Rasmusson, whose wit and perspective are greatly missed, called them "sky carp." That really stuck with me because I remembered so well the days when geese were a novel and thrilling sight, just as with bald eagles today.
In the last few years a bald eagle nest has become established along the Lake Crystal shore. I saw a bald eagle by Lake Crystal when emptying leaves at the city compost pile. I also saw an eagle perched high in a tree across the water from the Pomme de Terre dam a couple of years ago.
Eagles are the national symbol (because Ben Franklin lost his argument on behalf of the turkey) but they are predatory - a status that usually does not win affection. If eagles multiply locally, be sure to keep an eye on your small dogs and cats.
How dangerous is a black bear? I don't really know, but I know they aren't as dangerous as grizzlies. Our friend who visited last week was reportedly hurt through an encounter with a motor vehicle. That could change things in terms of this animal being dangerous. It also makes plausible the suggestion that he was shot and killed at the end of this episode.
What? That isn't the official story, right? By week's end we were told that Mr. Bear, who had reportedly been nicknamed "Fluffy" (presumably by a young observer), had come down from the tree and moved on.
But what other story could the police have possibly told us? With the bear having become a sensation in the community, no scenario involving a shooting death could possibly have been reported.
Do I actually suspect the bear was shot? Yes. I heard this rather authoritatively, actually, when I arrived at the McDonald's restaurant Friday morning. I have a good sense feeling out street rumors and this talk seemed to have the stamp of legitimacy.
I took my seat there assuming that the bear had been dispatched. Cruel as it may seem it was understandable. If authorities were to allow an injured bear to continue making his rounds in Morris (whether he went back to the bar or not), there would be liability issues. I'm sure that the assigned officials were governed by liability issues every step of the way.
But wait, weren't there people who saw the bear leave? Here we might call in Jesse Ventura of the TruTV show "Conspiracy Theory." My theory even addresses the very long wait we all experienced as this saga lingered. Many people felt consternation about the sheer length of the wait.
Mr. Ventura might suggest that authorities knew the bear was going to have to be dispatched. But there would have to be a cover-up! No way could our police chief go on the local radio to say "Fluffy" had been shot.
Given this absolute fact, the authorities had to scramble. I think they had to arrange for a domesticated stand-in bear to be brought here. The stand-in would then amble along as if he were "Fluffy," bringing an agreeable end to this riveting episode in our Mayberry-like community.
Barney Fife could smile contentedly in the role of our Chief Beauregard. Gomer and Goober could get back to work changing oil. Otis would write off the sight of the bear as merely an image from his drunken stupor. Drunks are funny, right? Well, not any more.
Chief Beauregard seemed a little too glib telling the "official" story through the media. It reminded me of those TV newscasters on Christmas Eve who report that Santa Claus has left the North Pole.
Mayberry, I mean Morris, had its share of gawkers through his episode. And there are now people monumentally angry about the gawkers or "rubberneckers." Oh c'mon, I can't blame people at all for wanting to get a glimpse of this rare animal.
Willie's Super Valu reportedly got a spurt of extra business as it was right next door. Given that Willie's essentially has a monopoly in town now, I'm not exactly sure what could cause an uptick in business there.
Another theory to weigh is that the bear was a domesticated animal encouraged up that tree by the UMM sociology department in order to study the community's reaction.
What would "Ranger Smith" have done? Boomers grew up with the Yogi Bear cartoon in which Ranger Smith was the sober authority figure - the straight man as it were. I imagine he represented the kind of authority that kids were supposed to defer to as they grew older. But boomers ended up terrible at respecting authority, at least for a while.
Ranger Smith was always concerned about Yogi and the other bears stealing a "picnic basket." BooBoo was Yogi's likable but dimwitted companion.
"What about the Ranger?" BooBoo would always say.
Well, I think the Ranger may have had to get out his rifle Thursday night here in Morris, perhaps a rifle with a silencer - maybe that necessitated the wait - and end this little adventure in the only legally acceptable way.
Sorry, kids. And get Jesse Ventura on the phone.
-Brian Williams - morris mn Minnesota - bwilly73@yahoo.com