Eventually we must draw a line. We must realize we can't legislate all the risk out of our lives, try as we might.
Were we Neanderthals in an earlier time? We tolerated a lot of
things that were quite demonstrably bad. It took Mothers Against Drunk
Driving to get the law to come down in a totally assertive way on
driving while impaired.
The term "drunk driving" seems a little old-fashioned. People who
drink too much aren't "drunks," they are people who have chemical
dependency issues.
As recently as the 1970s we considered excess alcohol consumption
to be funny. I remember a rock song, appealing to my generation, called
"The smoker you drink, the player you get."
Mothers Against Drunk Driving is no longer run by mothers. It's run by lawyers.
A lawyer was a snack for a dinosaur in Jurassic Park. But dinosaurs exist only in fantasy so let's not get too hopeful.
Little by little, the law evolves to where all faults, peccadilloes
and oversights are targeted and become no-go, just like drinking too
much at the local bar on a weekend. This behavior never really appealed
to me. But I observed a lot of it. I saw irony in many college students
always claiming they were flat broke while somehow coming up with the
means to consume booze.
I don't want to address marijuana. The libertarians want us to
legalize this now. I have read that the "war on drugs" came about as a
diversion from the Viet Nam War. That war and its consequences will
never be wiped from the consciousness of boomers.
Don't even think of having a beer before getting behind the wheel. I like having a beer or two with pizza so I'll take my bike.
These days I'd have to scratch off Pizza Hut, though, because I've
had an unusually large number of bad experiences there. I finally vented
in an online customer feedback form. I heard nothing after that. I
don't know, maybe these companies don't respond because it might be
construed as a violation of confidentiality.
Without predation from dinosaurs, lawyers have now been busy
ensuring that legislatures feel pressure to crack down on "no seat
belt." Aren't most legislators lawyers anyway? I imagine that
politicians, through litigation, feel they must roll up their sleeves on
these matters.
Legislate all risk out of our lives. Libertarians be damned. Laissez faire be damned. The nanny state thumps its chest.
Mayor Bloomberg out in New York City rolls up his sleeves on giant
sugared drinks. Is it a good idea? All these laws are "good ideas." But
it's getting to the point where we have to watch our backs at all times.
To all those sanctimonious souls who say we need rigid seat belt
enforcement, let me just say: "Be careful what you wish for." The next
step is going to be "unrestrained animals." It's already starting.
I have heard talk of fines of as much as a thousand bucks - a
thousand bucks - if your dog has his nose protruding out the car window.
The idea apparently isn't on the table yet in Minnesota. But just watch
out.
Such provisions apply to dogs in the back of your pickup. There
goes a whole genre of country music songs. Keith Kirwin, get ready.
"Spike" might become a lawbreaker.
We are seeing a sudden explosion of awareness of the health dangers
in football. We love football too much to just let go of it, don't we?
We always begin these things with some incredulity. We know that a
certain thing includes some risk or danger but we try to live with it.
In the old days, rumors of someone committing sexual misconduct (as
with children) might be met with a simple "shush." The most prominent
Christian denomination in the world was less than vigilant dealing with
it. The American legal community cuts no slack for the church today.
You just watch, the legal community isn't going to cut any slack
for football. Now that the dangers are being illustrated in an
increasingly convincing way, we'll see a revolt just like with the birth
of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. It will start as a simple good cause
and then the lawyers will dig in. Believe me, they will dig in.
Here's how it might start: Certain families decide to sue based on
their local school not giving out enough information on the possible
consequences of football. But if a school in fact does share this
information in thorough fashion, most parents would cringe and say "My
son can find better things to do after school. My goodness, it's a
no-brainer."
Some former NFL players like Kurt Warner have come out and said they don't want their sons playing football.
This process of clamping down on football may accelerate faster
than you think. The ideal of protecting adolescents is irresistible.
But look how much our society, just financially, has invested in football.
Morris once had just a couple flat grassy pieces of ground for
football, for UMM and the high school. Abandoning those might be no big
deal. Heck, we actually did abandon Coombe Field, named for one of my
junior high teachers. That field has tumbleweeds blowing across it
today, in a sense. The UMM Cougars used to play in a quite fine facility
that had a grass surface.
But if football starts doing a rapid fade like heavyweight boxing
did, what are we to do with Big Cat Stadium? I have tried to be positive
about that facility since starting my online writing. The party line in
Morris has been to trumpet it. It seems like an isolated and desolate
place through the vast majority of the year, coming alive on only a
relatively few occasions.
On those occasions the community is supposed to turn out, sit on rear ends and pay homage to "elite sports."
But the old model of worshipping our local football and basketball
players has been eroding. That's why the movie "Hoosiers" has such an
incredibly retro look about it. Barbara Hershey didn't even want to be
at those games. She tried to look sullen so why was she there?
Girls are very fortunate. Their sports are much safer than what we expose our boys to.
This spate of publicity on football problems has me wondering if I
should ever write about the game again. Should I cover the Tigers this
coming fall? Or the Cougars? Or does all the publicity just keep
"feeding the monster?"
The local newspaper would say my coverage doesn't amount to a hill
of beans anyway. They should talk, having gone from twice weekly to
weekly, publishing about each week's game eight days after it was
played, and sometimes falling victim to terrible reporting errors from
the Willmar newspaper.
Coach Jerry Witt thanked me at last year's Lions fall sports
program. I wonder how much concern he feels about all these revelations
rolling in about football's dangers. He must be getting close to
retiring just based on age. He'll probably depart before the hammer
comes down on the sport. (BTW he's my age.)
Someday we might look back at how Neanderthal we were, putting
football on such a pedestal for entertainment. I'll look back on my old
football writing and feel like an anachronism.
Right now I feel like a horrible anachronism just as a 57-year-old
realizing the necessity of seat belts. I don't really see their
necessity, but I see the necessity of having them on in order to avoid
being pulled over by Mr. Dittbenner. I got my first ticket for this last
week.
We are striving to legislate all risks out of our lives. Soon all
our pets will have to be in pet carriers. Football will be wiped out or
altered so dramatically it won't seem like football anymore. Will we
face jail time if we go back through the buffet line without getting a
clean plate?
Why is our traffic citation system based on fining people? What
does money have to do with it? A $110 fine is going to be no sweat for a
well-off person, while a person living on the margins might have to
give up necessities. It doesn't seem fair, this disproportionate
adversity felt by the poor who have enough problems.
I'm reminded of the late John Candy from an old "SCTV" skit, where
he's the prohibitive underdog in a boxing match but he says "I have to
go out there and do this to show 'the little guy' he has a chance." So
he goes out, gets knocked out on the first punch and can't even be
revived with smelling salts.
That's about the way I feel now, having gotten a citation and
wondering "what's next?" Because after all, we have a dog. He's 15 years
old, weighs 40 pounds and is totally docile.
But in a future time, such an animal will have to be restrained.
Because, the "law is the law." Mr. Dittbenner will tell you that.
Maybe Big Cat Stadium can be used for lawn croquet.
- Brian Williams - morris mn minnesota - bwilly73@yahoo.com
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